Building Love in Your Relationship
Copyright 2002, empathic coaching associates. All rights reserved.
We've been asked this question - "Can Relationship Enhancement training help people who were 'not in love' when they married?"
First the short answer. Yes.
Now some explanation. Notice that the questioner asks whether this can "help". I think this person understood there are no "magic wands", but that there might be something that could help them to work more effectively at improving their relationship.
By asking the question, this person also seems to be saying, "I really want to keep this marriage together. Even though when we were married we were not in love and love has not developed since then, maybe there is some way that love can grow here."
So perhaps the question could be rephrased this way, "Can Relationship Enhancement help people who were 'not in love' when they married, but who now want to try to build love into their relationship?" The answer is "yes" for at least two reasons.
First, Relationship Enhancement skills allow couples to resolve conflictual issues. Conflict happens in every relationship, even where there is love. Relationship skills help in finding solutions that are satisfying to both persons and this, in turn, builds confidence in the relationship.
Second, Relationship Enhancement education empowers couples to be empathic toward one another and to feel understood by one another. This essential combination is the basis for emotional bonding that leads to companionate love, which researchers have identified as the more stable and lasting form of marital love. Of course, feeling emotionally close to one another is also the basis for other dimensions of marital love as well.
So, even if you didn't originally "choose your love", you can grow to "love your choice!"
